two / twenty six

February - REPORT

Instagram is teaching me how to be a really good toddler mom. I don’t have a child but it certainly thinks I do. I search my long term exes name in my email for fun (why?) and see dozens of receipts for Tiff’s Treats cookie delivery. We really did eat a lot of cookies together. I guess I also used to have a twitter, where I would post things like, “wow, I really can’t wait to leave this place” and “I am so happy today.”

Google Calendar has started putting in random birthdays into my calendar. When I come across them, I delete them, but I also think I hope they have a good birthday.

A friend sends a picture of a daffodil coming up in a lawn and I text back GO BACK IN because it’s February, and I’m still waiting. Sometimes I want to stand in the rain facing upward and let it just fall. I want to look like Margot Robbie in Wuthering Heights standing at the cusp of a storm ending or just beginning. I like to laugh at this image of myself, too. Pathetic and wet.

At a house show recently I was looking at a cactus on a window sill and thought about how flowers get glued onto them. Do you think that they grow around the glue dot once someone removes the fake flower? Do the people that buy them feel duped when they realize they were drawn in by a false sense of beauty?

Read

• Short read: Sheila Heti’s essay “Good Medicine” (maybe behind a paywall now, but wanted to link it anyway).

• Admittedly been a pretty bad reader this month. I’m still working through the novels I started in the New Year, which is fine by me! I don’t want to be in a hurry to do anything anymore.

• I am almost done with my second go around of the Artist’s Way and I think initially I under estimated how so many of the topics aligned with some recent changes in my life. I feel like every chapter I read is a perfect summary of my experience and thoughts from the week before.

Entertain

• Jordan and I have been re-watching the Walking Dead and it’s truly just fantastic TV. I like when Jordan copies the Rick Grimes’ accent, when he says I’ll tell you whut. (This has been so bad for me, we end up staying up late to watch one more episode and then I am, well, tired!!)

Projects

• Wrapping up my chapbook design final project. This has been a very consuming and in some ways heartbreaking project. But I am proud of the work I’ve done on it and excited to see what is a year of writing + learning come together!

• I went to my first ever sewing retreat at the end of the month! I have been avoiding sewing since I finished my coat so this was a much needed time away & time dedicated. It was so fantastic that it feels hard to write about - but I am desperate to talk about it with anyone who is willing to listen!

Obsessing Over

• Bog Pattern — I linked an article I found here, but the macguffin article is so so good, covering the extensive utilization of this pattern and its influence across decades of fashion and garment construction. There is this, too, if your curiosity is peaked.

• Harriet Powers’ stamps - FINALLY! So excited about these.

Revisiting

• What does rest mean and look like for me? February is a month of depths and dang I’ve been deep in the hole this month. I don’t think it’s bad, necessarily, but I don’t think I listen to myself very well.

• Play — which looked like going to a roller skating event, mapping a new quilt idea, board games with Jordan, listening to ABBA, swimming, etc etc

Trying

• I am trying to breathe. Especially while I am swimming. This is really hard for me. I think I hold my breath a lot, in general. I’ve been noticing just how prominent massive exhalations are for me. Before every meeting. Before answering the phone. Before seeing a friend. What am I holding onto?

• To write. For real. Not just morning pages, either.